conversations, part 2...

The conversation that wandered... also touched on finding a sense of being at ease within ourselves on this side of teenage angst.

When I watched my (almost 6 years younger) sister going through her teen years, I always felt that she was so much more comfortable in her own skin than I had been at the same age. Now I realize that we just reacted differently to the same pressures.

Under pressure to conform, she came across as rejecting all peer norms. In my eyes, that made her instantly "cool". I had always reacted to pressure the opposite way, by trying harder to fit in. But while both of us projected confidence to outside eyes, we both felt the same awkward jello-belly inside.

"What do you think gave you the sense of adult confidence that you have right now?" mom asked us.

"Finding our place in life through advanced education, and being loved by the outstanding men who are our husbands," we agreed wholeheartedly.

It's true, education brings confidence. Knowing that you are pursuing a career and ministering to others using your God-given gifts is a wonderfully settling feeling.

But being loved by a good man? That really tops it all. There's a sense of security and poise and centering in oneself that comes to a woman only by knowing she is loved in her marriage. That of all the women in the world, this man chose HER to grow old beside him.

The life journey of facing seemingly-insurmountable obstacles, going to God for wisdom, conquering side by side, and coming out still partners on the other end - brings a sense of dignity and stability and inner peace that fills up my woman's soul.

Especially as I look to the future of adding a child in our family, I get all mushy inside thinking about the journey I've experienced in the past 15 years. I could have had the exact same education and career, but without having Marius in my life I wouldn't have been the same woman.

Thanks God, for saying "No, sweetheart," to my teenage prayers over each different boy!