the globe and the ant

The other day I received an unexpected phone call from an old friend. We hadn't spoken in several years. During the conversation, she asked me how things are going with my job and its future - considering the fact that I'm pregnant.

First of all, you have to understand what I do. And that although it's never paid a living wage, I've put my heart and soul into it passionately. My work has revolved around training pastors and church members in ways to reach people around them in today's society, and creating relevant resources for that outreach focus. It takes me on international and domestic trips about 3 months out of the year, and keeps me constantly interacting with people around the globe. When I announced that I was pregnant, a few things changed. Now that I'm on project-basis, and even that is ending when the summer's over, I've been feeling rather strangled.

So the question of, "How's it feeling?" left me scrambling for an answer that didn't sound too self-pitying, and yet accurately reflected the situation.

"You know those National Geographic videos, where they start by showing you planet Earth hanging in space like a fluorescent blue and green ball, and then they slowly start zooming in until you're looking at a tiny garden ant crawling on a single blade of grass? Yeah, that's me right now. That's how I feel."

It's like my sphere of influence is being squeezed from the whole globe down to a blade of grass. And fast. Like the air-being-sucked-out-of-your-lungs fast.

I'm not whining. Just putting a word picture to how I feel. I'm sure I'll get over it.

But I think it may take some time.