the globe and the ant

>> Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The other day I received an unexpected phone call from an old friend. We hadn't spoken in several years. During the conversation, she asked me how things are going with my job and its future - considering the fact that I'm pregnant.

First of all, you have to understand what I do. And that although it's never paid a living wage, I've put my heart and soul into it passionately. My work has revolved around training pastors and church members in ways to reach people around them in today's society, and creating relevant resources for that outreach focus. It takes me on international and domestic trips about 3 months out of the year, and keeps me constantly interacting with people around the globe. When I announced that I was pregnant, a few things changed. Now that I'm on project-basis, and even that is ending when the summer's over, I've been feeling rather strangled.

So the question of, "How's it feeling?" left me scrambling for an answer that didn't sound too self-pitying, and yet accurately reflected the situation.

"You know those National Geographic videos, where they start by showing you planet Earth hanging in space like a fluorescent blue and green ball, and then they slowly start zooming in until you're looking at a tiny garden ant crawling on a single blade of grass? Yeah, that's me right now. That's how I feel."

It's like my sphere of influence is being squeezed from the whole globe down to a blade of grass. And fast. Like the air-being-sucked-out-of-your-lungs fast.

I'm not whining. Just putting a word picture to how I feel. I'm sure I'll get over it.

But I think it may take some time.

4 comments:

Becky,  May 5, 2009 at 8:43 AM  

I love how you can put what you're feeling into words.

dpm May 5, 2009 at 10:51 AM  

I look forward to hearing how you'll be feeling when you discover the influence and overwhelming responsibility you'll have when you're molding your child's mind, spirituality and .... life!

my4kidsma May 5, 2009 at 1:33 PM  

That is so perfect! Thank you. I've been feeling the opposite. I was the ant on the blade of grass (stay home mom & homeschooler)that suddenly was thrust out into the cosmos when I got a fulltime job in a big law firm. Getting used to it, but long for my little blade of grass.
Hang in there.

Acela Moreira,  May 18, 2009 at 3:51 PM  

I know how much you loved your job and the feeling of significance it gave you. I encourage you to take a look at this blog:

http://steppinheavenward.blogspot.com/

Scroll down to the bottom, and click on her sitemeter. I assure you, Christ has used this woman to influence thousands of people(myself and my children included) in an extraordinary way.

These people visit her site, not because she's a fabulous writer (she's not, really) or just out of curiosity, because they want to know how she is managing to raise all those children & keep her sanity, but mostly because of her absolutely amazing love of Christ.

It shines through her words, her pictures, & her children's eyes. When I'm feeling the Mommy Blues, or just need an attitude adjustment in general, I pop on over to Renee's site, and it never fails to bring me to my knees.

Enjoy!

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