idiots at the pump...

... the breast pump, that is.

My sister works as a nursetech. And oh the tales she can tell at a family dinner...

Like the one about the 30-something career woman that gave birth to twins, and decided she needed to pump, so she could get right back to work.

So the nurses brought her a double breast pump and showed her how to use it, then left the room -- 'cause she could "do it herself". They'd given all the normal instructions of course - how to put it on, how it should feel, not to exceed 15 minutes of pumping, and so on.

A half hour later, they popped back in to check her progress.

Pumps glued in place. Empty bottles. Pump timer reading 21:00 minutes.

"I just don't know what's wrong with me," she wails. "I must not have any milk!"

The lactation consultant and my sister pry off the pumps. Which weren't even in the right place. Instead, there were massive hickies where normal skin should be - raised up from 21 straight minutes of unforgiving mechanical suction. The nurses could hardly keep a straight face.

"Umm, darlin', it might help if you actually put the pumps where the milk comes out."

Ya think?