on the capacity to sit still...

Most kids today can't sit still. Not through church. Not through meetings. Not while visiting in someone else's home.

Actually, I'm not sure it's so much that they can't sit still as that their parents don't even expect them to. Mommy and Daddy don't think they can, so the level of parental expectation is never set very high. As a result, our society has a whole generation of disrespectful kids running wild, and a whole generation of exhausted, embarrassed parents.

And the syndrome doesn't stop with the little kids either. Just recently I was at meeting where hundreds of people had gathered in a very large and echo-y convention hall. I was doing my best to keep my 6-month old quietly entertained when I realized that the "adults" around us were far louder than him. I could hear normal-voiced conversations being carried on without any shame or sense of respect for the commencement speaker (who was actually pretty good). I wished I could have heard more of the lecture, but it wasn't my kid keeping me from listening - it was all the other people.

When someone in the row in front of me leaned over and quite politely "Sssshh'd" the offending parties, they shrugged their shoulders and said aloud: "Dude! I don't care!"

I probably shouldn't have been shocked. But something inside me still recoiled. THIS is today's young adult generation. Sadly, THESE will be the parents of the next generation. And then we sit back and wonder why our social structure is in its current state of decay.

Some people think I'm crazy for expecting my child to sit quietly through church. After all, he's only 6 months old, right? But I do. If the Hubby and I never set the expectation, it will certainly never be met. And yes, we know it's a long training process to get there, with lots of squirms and wiggles and the occasional "take him out and calm him down and bring him back in" trip to the back of the church.

But here's the thing... We believe that if a child is physically capable of doing something, they should be expected and trained to do it. (We are talking about good things only, of course... :) We know Little Man is capable now of sitting, on his own, for 10-20 minutes at a time. He does it at home all week long.

We also know he is capable of playing very quietly with his favorite toy while sitting for that period of time. That's another thing we encourage him to do all week long.

We know he is capable of sitting through morning and evening family worship with us every day with a minimum of wiggles and shrieks (some days are better than others of course). This isn't necessarily natural, but it's because we've been doing it with him since the second day in the hospital when he was born. So it's part of his normal routine.

We also know that if there is music or activity to engage his interest, he can sit fairly quietly for even a little bit longer.

So if you put all those physical capabilities together, it's not unreasonable for him to sit quietly for a half hour of church - at the age of 6 months. (Before he could sit well by himself, we brought his Bumbo seat to church to get him started on the habit. He'd only last for about 10 minutes, but it's the training that counts.) Of course after 25 or 30 minutes is up, Momma has to get quietly creative! We also sit somewhere in the front two rows, so he can easily see all the action - it makes for a long trip out the back door on uncooperative weekends, but it's worth it.

Last weekend, I noticed a ripple of astonishment in the row behind me when Little Man and I had gotten settled into our pew. Like usual, I had taken a seat at the end of the row (for easy escape if necessary), and set the baby down beside me in his own chair (our church doesn't have pews). I gave him his toy and kept a hand ready in case he lost his balance. For the next 20 minutes or so, he sat there on his own, alternately engaged by playing with his toy and by watching the singing and announcements.

People couldn't believe it. Of course, they don't realize how much intentional training goes into getting him there. We work with him every day at home on little activities that help him learn to sit quietly and engage himself without being a disruption to others. Every day he has loud-wiggly-goofy-play time, and sitting-still-being-quiet-play time. He thinks it's just normal. We know we're helping him practice for places like church and graduations and other meetings when he needs to have the capacity to sit still and honor others.

Even as young as 6 months, we have placed the expectation on him of learning to act courteously in public. No, we aren't naive enough to think that he'll never have a meltdown. But neither are we naive enough to assume that he'll eventually learn to control himself and act responsibly in a public venue without some gentle parental guidance (no matter how much work it costs us to get him there).

But if all it takes is a little extra work on our part to give him the tools to become a respectful and courteous young adult someday - the kind who doesn't shamelessly disrupt meetings and behave rudely at the expense of others - then we think that's an okay price to pay.

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© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.