on appropriate churchwear for kids (part 3)...

So....

As a result of these convictions (see two past posts, "on appropriate churchwear for kids, parts 1 & 2"), and a desire to make Sabbath as special and exciting as possible for the entire family, I've been browsing the internet for dressy baby and toddler boy's outfits.

Talk about sticker shock!

Do normal people really pay THAT much? I mean, hey, I love being well-dressed but I've got no embarrassment over finding my killer outfits at Goodwill or TJ Maxx!

When you're used to finding the occasional $800 BCBG silk women's suit for just $9.79, the idea of paying $140 for a infant dress suit that will be wearable for a window of perhaps 5-8 weeks is simply appalling.

(And we haven't even mentioned the fact that while there a oodles of beautiful little girl clothes available, it's practically impossible to find appealing and age-appropriate boys' clothes.)

So I've been browsing for affordable dressy boyswear. And since there's a chance that some of you might share my opinions - I decided to share a few links featuring less expensive yet beautiful outfits. Here's a few of my favorites:




And if you'd like to see websites themselves, check out these for a range of options for both boys' and girls' churchwear:

• http://www.bestdressedchild.com/: Beautiful Eton suits, and dressy rompers or shortalls, some suits as low as $19.99 if you look at the sale items
• http://www.theperfectpear.com/: Eton suits and baby boy outfits (see side menu for collections), these are a bit more expensive, so click HERE to see their clearance items, including several under $30.00
• http://www.nancyaugust.com/: Handsome suits and outfits for boys and toddlers, ranging from $24.50 to $50.00
• http://www.magickidsusa.com/: Variety of suits and vest suits between $14.00 and $30.00
• http://www.dapperlads.com/: Vintage dressywear, holiday outfits, and casual dressy (think miniature golfers with argyle vests!), from $20.00 to $50.00

Got any other cool sites? Leave a comment!

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

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on appropriate churchwear for kids (part 2)...

If we really are willing to make our Sabbath dates with God special, then we might have to add a little weekly effort into our lifestyle routine. It's something the bible talks about, getting ready for Sabbath in advance so that our entire day is free to just EXIST in God's presence without any distraction.

For us, that means getting EVERYTHING ready before Sabbath begins. Cooking, house cleaning, laundry, clothing ironed and shoes shined, all secular magazines or distractions put away - and so on.

Sound like a drag? But it's NOT!

For some people, Sabbath is a day of boredom and lethargy. A day of "don't's". But it doesn't have to be.

Sabbath can be the best day of the week. The most exciting. The one day looked forward to with the most eager anticipation.

How?

Make it extraordinary and desirable on every level:

• special favorite foods that you don't get on other days, prepared in advance so that the work is as little as possible.
  
• sparkling clean house where everybody wants to hang out, because it smells nice and candles are glowing.
• most exciting (spiritually appropriate) games or hobbies or activities, that are off-limits during the week so that sabbath is looked forward to.
• spend time with family and friends that you can't connect with during the week.
  
• and having very best clothes ready ahead of time, so that you feel your prettiest or best-looking of the entire week.

When you build up the anticipation, mentioning every day of the week that the Sabbath is coming soon, and reminding your kids regularly of all the wonderful things that will happen on God's special day ~ they can't help but buy into your enthusiasm.

And part of that is centered in how they feel about themselves. Looking their best plays into that. Knowing that they've worked hard to get ready for going to meet God on a beautiful date is a way to help them feel excited and thrilled about the romance of belonging to Jesus.

That's why I think babies and children should be dressed in extra special outfits every weekend for church. It elevates Sabbath to something tangibly more important than just a nice outing to a ball game, or any other regular day. It attaches something specially reverent to the day itself.

It helps in making Sabbath a day of beauty.

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

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on appropriate churchwear for kids (part 1)...

I'm one of those minority Caucasian parents who actually believes children should have special clothes for church.

Lots of families from other cultures faithfully make it a priority to dress their kids for church in something different than what they wear all week ~ but few do so in my own culture.

We want our little son to have every opportunity to connect with growing up as a man in this society that demeans and insults manhood. To us, that means (among other things) that he needs to have clothes that make him feel that he can copy daddy when they get ready for church side by side in the mirror. It means we want to dress him in clothing we hope he'll identify himself with, clothing that aims higher than being a little gangster or a miniature athlete.

Especially when we're going to church to spend the day with God.

Call me weird.

But I'm convinced that part of the specialness of spending time with God is achieved in the way we prepare for it. (That's also why we still prepare for Sabbath the old-fashioned biblical way: food cooked, clothes ironed, house cleaned - all before the sun sets on Friday nights.) But I digress.

As a little girl, I sensed something tremendously precious about having my church dress ready, shoes shined, and everything laid out the night before. It made going to church special. Like getting ready for a banquet or preparing for a fancy dinner date ~ the more thought and effort put into the preparation, the more important the occasion.

And what can be more important than meeting with God?

Sure, there are those who decry making any effort for church at all. They make loud excuses like, "God accepts us just as we are," and, "Dressing up is just a facade to disguise how unholy we are during the rest of the week."

I agree, God does accept us as we are. And for some people, putting on a church suit probably IS like wearing a mask to cover the ugliness underneath.

But while God takes us as we are, he never EVER leaves us satisfied there. And since when do we need to be perfect on the inside before we're allowed to make a little effort on the outside?

I look at this controversial subject from a different angle. If my husband plans a date with me, I have two options:

1. I can show up just like I spent the day (lately that might often mean having unwashed hair, and wearing ragged old comfy pajamas). He will still love me, because he's just great like that, but he'll get the distinct sense that his date-planning effort wasn't valuable enough to me to generate any effort of response on my part.
2. Or I can plan my afternoon to complete my work on time, get a quick shower, put my hair up and improve my face a bit, select a nice outfit, and do my darndest to be ready on time. He loves me just the same as if I'd stayed in my pajamas, but now - his effort in making a reservation of time and location is rewarded and encouraged by my response. He made an effort, I made an effort. We both have a delightful dinner and he knows that I love him enough to make myself ready for him.
   

I see church the same way.

God loves us unconditionally either way. But the question isn't about how much God loves us. It's more about how much we love him. Do we care enough to make an effort? Or are we expecting him to just keep on loving us like he does, without any response or enthusiasm on our part?

After all, isn't the Sabbath supposed to be our weekly date with the Divine? So why wouldn't we want our kids to participate in the excitement?

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

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what's in a name?

Some might say that you are what you make of yourself. Your name has nothing to do with it.

I disagree.

I've noticed that people with certain names tend to be somewhat alike. Not across the board, but often enough to make generalizations. Of course, there are always exceptions, but they're just that - exceptions.

Ever noticed that kids with fluffy, trendy names tend to match? People with exotic, or unique names often seem to follow a different beat in life? Those with strong or elegant names tend to follow suit in their attitudes and demeanor? I'm not going to pretend to know whether this comes from some innate response to the names' meanings, or from how we are treated as others react to hearing our name and making assumptions about us, or some blend of the two.

But I'm convinced that our names, and the meanings behind our names, influence the people we become whether we know those name meanings or not. I'm sure there's some research out there that might support this idea, although I haven't found it yet. (Which inspires me to go looking!)

As we considered the name for our firstborn son, we wanted something strong and masculine and godly. We were also limited by the uniqueness of our last name, Asaftei, and the need to choose names that are easily pronounceable for both English and Romanian speakers. Tough task!

We knew right away that this Munchkin was going to have a longer name than many children. We wanted to give him two names of our own choosing, in addition to honoring Hubby's late father and hyphenating our last name with my maiden name. (My family name dies with my generation unless we pass it to our children.)

After much research and discussion, we finally settled on:
Tristan Alexander Vasile Matthews-Asaftei

Meaning:
Tristan = Bold
Alexander = Defender of Mankind
Vasile = Royal
Matthews = Gift from God
Asaftei = no meaning

So this firstborn son has a big name, with big meaning. We already think of him as our Bold Defender, and our Royal Gift from God.

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

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family vision workshops

Going on two years ago, Hubby and I attended a Family Vision Workshop at the church where he is a pastor.

Our congregation places a strong focus on establishing biblical family values among our members, and reunifying biblical family leadership (fathers and mothers) to take charge of the family unit. So every year we host a Family Vision Workshop, presented by Greg Gunn and Mark Naylor.

The Family Vision Workshop is built around the premise that "God wants every family to experience the peace that comes from the harmony He provides when we know His purpose and are fulfilling it within our families. Great families don't happen by accident."

And in today's world of broken relationships, shattered marriages and absent family structure, Christians who want to keep their family together with strong relationships have got to stand up and take some aggressive action.

Family Vision suggests that, while everyone still has free choice and could choose to reject healthy values, Christian families CAN do things to strengthen the chance that their kids will choose to follow God.

It's about planning how you're going to leave a legacy of faithful God-worshipping for the next several generations. It's about getting out of "surviving until the end of the day" mode, and stepping back to make a strategy - a battle plan, if you will.

So in the workshop, each family creates a vision statement, a mission statement, and a set of core values that they feel describes what they want to establish in their home. And then they find a way to display those statements prominently for everyone to see.

It's like your family "coat of arms" or your clan's crest.

It's about making your kids feel excited to be a part of your family. 'Cause THIS family's going somewhere, we have a purpose and a goal. Letting kids know that we are flawed humans, yes, but we are an AWESOME family. It's about giving kids a sense of ownership and presence.

We loved the workshop. I went into it thinking, "Okay, I've read Adventist Home, and Child Guidance, and John Rosemond's books, and Gary Ezzo's books, and a whole slew of other love language books and womanhood books and wife books and husband books and just about every other family-help book - what could this POSSIBLY have to say that I haven't already heard?"

But it was pretty awesome. Each couple/family has exercises to discover their family mission and vision statements. It's harder than you think!

If you haven't heard of the Family Vision ministry, I'd check 'em out. Go to: http://www.familyvisionnow.com/. Maybe bring them to your church. Or if you live in the Atlanta area, you could come to ours next year.

You won't regret it!

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

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are you just not the mothering type?

On our next anniversary, we'll celebrate seven years of marriage. The last four years have included not only active church involvement, domestic travel for speaking engagements, and international travel for my work in training pastors for evangelism.

As a result, I often field questions like "What is your position on women's ordination?" and "How do you juggle being a local pastor's wife with three or more months of international travel each year?"

And of course, there's the inevitable: "When are you guys going to have kids? Or are you just not the mothering type?"

I learned quickly that nobody particularly wanted the real answer. They just wanted to probe. To be a little nosy. How will she react? Is she feminine or feminist?

So my standard answer became, "Well, it just hasn't happened for us yet." At which point people either nodded and moved on, or launched into detailed personal stories about all the other people they knew who were experiencing infertility, too. Which, of course, wasn't exactly what I meant. But anyway...

The real answer?

I'm definitely the mothering type. But there's no way I was going to become a mother before I could be the kind of parent that I think God calls today's mothers to be.

We weren't ready yet. We believe that whenever possible, it's best to have a marriage before adding a family. We wanted time to travel and explore the world together. We spent the first 4.5 years sharing our home with always at least one member of extended family. We wanted some time alone together after the last family members moved out.

And we have very distinct and definite ideas about the kind of home we want to create for our children.

Those ideas do not include daycare, absentee parenting, or using the TV as a babysitter. And we plan to do weird, old-fashioned things that lots of people think are unusual these days - like breast-feeding, gardening, homeschooling, and so on.

None of which are exactly compatible with Mommy jetting off to the UK or Australia or Russia for 2 to 5 weeks at a time.

Hence, no kids. Doesn't mean mommy won't do some work at home or earn some money on the side or stay involved in ministry and other contributions - after all, she has at least a decade left of paying off the loans for her master's degree!

Now, while the news about Munchkin #1 was a bit of a surprise - it did come at a time when the house was empty of relatives, the cars and credit cards were paid off, and Mommy's work was flexible - at least until September, when she'll be back on the job hunt - but we digress.

So why didn't we have kids for so long? Because we wanted to give them the kind of home life that we believe God has called us to provide. And until that time came, we were willing to wait.

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

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book review: RAISING A MODERN-DAY KNIGHT

RAISING A MODERN-DAY KNIGHT: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood
by Robert Lewis

This book begins by establishing the dismal reality of masculinity in today's Western society. Lewis describes the aching void in the hearts of men who grew up without fathers, without guidance into manhood, and who were left to navigate the world's expectations of them without support or encouragement from wise older men.

He explains the deep core need that every boy has to be recognized and validated by his father, and how fathers often curse their sons with lifetime fears by withholding from them a working definition of masculinity. Boys are longing to know: what does a man look like? how does a man act? when do I become a man? will I know when I am no longer a boy? how?

And our society has no structures to provide answers to these questions. Other, often more primitive, societies have initiation rites, coming of age celebrations, even brutal rituals that mark a boy's passage into manhood. From that day on he knows that he must act like a man, that he is no longer a child. But our culture boasts none of these.

Lewis delves into history to explore the medieval age of knighthood and compares the process of training for knighthood to a possible answer for this manhood vacuum. Being a knight provided a man with three things:

1. a vision for manhood
2. a code of conduct
3. a transcendant cause.

Lewis asserts that every boy and man today desperately need the same three things, if they are to fully blossom in their masculinity. He contrasts the way that Adam in the Garden of Eden rejected his vision, violated God's code of conduct, and shrank away from his cause - with the way that Jesus Christ, the biblical 2nd Adam, fulfilled all three.

Then Lewis outlines the vital importance of using ceremony to mark milestones in a young boy's life as he progresses through the stages of boyhood toward becoming a man, until a final ceremony where the respect of fellow manhood is bestowed on him by his father and other mature men in his life.

Filled with stories, illustrations, scriptural foundation, and practical ideas for ceremonies and celebrations - Raising a Modern-Day Knight is a must-read for any parent with a son.

We're handing it to my dad next, as the only living grandfather that Munchkin will know. He's promised to read it, so that he can join Hubby in a united effort to present concepts of manhood once Munchkin arrives. After that, we're planning to pass it to my sister's husband - as the only Uncle in the family so far - so that he can join in the community of men surrounding Munchkin's arrival.

While Lewis makes many profound statements throughout the book, two stood out to me with incredible clarity:

1. "Real manhood in a son never comes by accident." (p 156)
2. "The Decree proclaims an immovable standard that each generation must never forget: Only the sons of knights become knights!" (p 162)
   

Thank you God, for letting me marry a man who has discovered his own Knighthood!

If you've got a son - I hope you go get this book! You won't regret it.

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

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starting early...

Hubby is home from his summer gallivants, and we're sorting through that uber-fun stage of getting back on track and into a routine.

We've always attempted to have morning and evening devotions - at least personally, if not together as a couple. But one of our family identity goals is to cultivate the daily habit of morning and evening family worship. As part of our regular routine that never wavers.

And we're not naive enough to think that these kind of habits will come more automatically or more easily after munchkin's arrival. So we've started reading out loud before we get out of bed in the morning, and before falling asleep at night, praying together, and singing a song to the belly.

We hope that not only will it get us into the routine so we can keep it going in the future, but that it will also being to prenatally familiarize munchkin with how it feels to have quiet spiritual time with Jesus every day.

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

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on father's day...

Another very cute video about just how much kids are watching what their parents do and say.

Dads out there - remember you've got little monkeys that watch and imitate and form their life values based on what you do. (Guess that equally goes for moms, too!)


"I'm Your Buckaroo"
by Rodney Atkins

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a bib of nonsense...

I never spent time pondering the range of compliments and insults emblazoned on babywear until now.

I can see why the baby clothing industry rakes it in. I'm totally NOT a sucker for materialistic branding schemes, but some of these baby outfits are so cute I want to buy them just to hang in my closet. Hmmm, pity I'm having a boy and I keep swooning over frilly pink and lavender dresses. Poor kid.

(Really people, where on earth are the equally adorable masculine clothes? Does super cute have to be limited to girls only? Sheesh.)

My favorite bib sayings so far are:

1 spoon
2 spoon
3 spoon
FLOOR!

and...

if you think I'M cute,
you should see my dad!

But then there are the down right idiotic baby bib slogans, like:

my mom thinks SHE'S in charge...
that's so cute.

and

hey dude, your wife
keeps checking me out!

Do people really think that buying bibs and onesies embroidered with "I'm a little tyrant" is going to make a monster child seem less obnoxious? C'mon, you're an adult. Be intelligent already. Do you really think seeing that slogan every day is going to improve your kid's character?

And putting a truthful slogan on your kid's outfit (like "I KNOW I rule the house!") doesn't make you seem any less pathetic as a parent. But hey, at least you're being honest about it.

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ready to relinquish your parental rights?

Maybe you've heard about the movement to petition a Parental Rights Amendmendment to the United States Constitution.

Maybe you haven't.

Why should you care?

"The right of parents to direct the upbringing and education of their children is presently a fundamental but implied right guaranteed by the United States Constitution. Yet one of the main reasons that parental rights are in danger today is due to their status as implied rights. That's because the meaning of an implied right is never entirely stable. Since parental rights are implied rights, the Court is free to redefine their meaning whenever it wishes. With international law poised to reposition parental rights into mere responsibilities, essentially robbing parents of their rightful place in a child’s life, the parental role and child-parent relationship is more endangered than ever before." (Read more here.)

Didn't know that your American parental rights are merely implied? Me either, until recently. Now, that's something that our grandparents' generation would have assumed was good, basic common sense.

But we aren't living in Gramma's world anymore.

Some Supreme Court Justices (like Scalia) do believe that parents have the inalienable right to raise their children and make decisions for their own families. Other justices don't agree.

Right now, international law is posing a threat to the continued ability of American families to parent their children without being under groundless suspicion of incompetence from the state. The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC), while perhaps seeking to do very good things for children in general, effectively places all parents on the legal level of abusers.

"This means that the burden of proof falls on the parent to prove to the State that they are good parents—when it should fall upon the State to prove that their investigation is not without cause." (Read more here.)

I'm not kidding.

To my understanding, there are only two countries in the UN who have not signed the UNCRC petition already: the United States, and Somalia. Somalia - because they don't have the infrastructure to make it happen. And the USA? Because there are a lot of people here who don't want the government freely dictating how they raise their kids.

This isn't just about preventing heinous abuse. One 13-year old boy sued his parents because they took him to church when he didn't want to go. The parents only got him back from the state after agreeing to not take him to church.

Another mother was forced by the court to split custody of her 4-year old daughter with the girl's babysitters, because they just loved being with the child so much. So much for being the "mommy"!

I went and signed the petition. What are YOU gonna do?

READ MORE
SIGN PETITION

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peepaw's wisdom

My maternal grandfather was an Arkansas rice and cotton farmer who raised 12 kids. Ten girls and two boys.

He may not have been a flashy man of the world, but he had old-fashioned common sense in spades.

PeePaw used to say:
"One boy is a boy,
Two boys is half a boy, and
Three boys is no boy at all!"

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on luxury gifts (like cars)...

I almost wrote this in with yesterday's post. But it kinda conflicted with my goal of one subject per post. So here goes...

In addition to the parenting value of expecting our kids to work for their own college education, we don't believe in giving kids luxury items either.

Like, say, cars.

"Happy birthday sweetheart. Your mom and I are celebrating the fact that you suck air on this planet by giving you a very big, expensive and potentially deadly luxury item all for yourself. Here's the keys, why don't you take your equally mature teenage friends out for a spin!"

Yeah, right!

When I was about 15, my friends in academy starting talking about the cars their parents would buy for their 16th birthdays. So the next time I was home, I asked my dad very nicely if I could please have a car for my next birthday too. He just looked up at me, and chuckled to himself as if to say, "You're such a cute little moron."

Which I didn't think was very nice.

"Honey," dad said, "as soon as you have enough money to buy a car, keep the tank full, pay car insurance, and keep a little fund stashed away for the inevitable maintenance - YOU CAN HAVE A CAR! I don't even care if you're not 16 yet. If you can afford it, you can have it. And not a minute sooner."

To be honest, I'd kind of expected that answer anyway. I have such a wise daddy.

I didn't get a car until I was 18, and starting my sophomore year of college. I worked all summer, saved like a fiend and went car shopping with dad - to the garage of an elderly church widow.

My first "car" was a tan 1986 Mazda B2000 pick-up truck, 5-speed, no power steering, and 2/75 air conditioning. (That equals 2 windows down at 75 miles an hour.) Dad taught me how to change my own oil and tires, check the radiator, and top up the fluids, "cause I'm not going to be there to fix it for you, and you'd better not have a boyfriend yet!"

He also built a plywood camper shell (yup, it was exactly as pretty as it sounds), to fit the truckbed. I may have looked like the Clampett's coming to town, but everything I owned could go inside and stay relatively dry on my rather frequent cross-country road trips.

That little truck lasted me 4 years and 85,000 miles. I sold it just before we got married, 'cause we needed the money. And I cried.

I'd learned that nothing in life comes free, and the things you work hardest for are what you value the most. We really want our kids to learn that same precious lesson - because it shapes character - and because nothing in life is free except salvation, no matter how old you are.

So in a decade and a half, when our little one hints slyly about mummy and daddy's plans for a 16th birthday present, our answer is probably going to sound something like:

"Sweetheart, a car is a luxury. And you are definitely going to get one, just as soon as you can afford it yourself."

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on my children's college fund...

I started my junior year of academy at the age of 15. Since my family had only just returned from the mission field and wasn't exactly flush with cash for luxuries like boarding school, I got the education of helping to find my own sponsors.

Oh yes, and the education of working 25-30 hours each week on campus while taking the normal academic load 6 classes. It taught me to juggle my time skillfully, to synthesize the most important aspects in each class assignment, and to move quickly from one project to the next without sacrificing performance.

In college, both Marius and I had to find ways to pay for our own education. No college trust fund was forthcoming. No indulgences on daddy's credit card while squeaking by on the lowest academic output allowed.

Actually, we despised those kids. It was hard not to, when we were working 3 jobs and carrying 16 credits every semester, and they would hardly make it to class on time!

In addition, neither of us wanted to take loans if possible. So we were driven by sheer circumstances to learn how to manage our cash flow, allocate time resources, and maintain high enough grades to keep earning the scholarships we'd applied for - while still getting enough sleep and social interaction to qualify as "human".

Somewhere in there, we got what society calls an "education". By that, society means that we graduated with academic honors and were given a piece of paper awarding us a 4-year degree in something, while camera flashes whited out our goofy grins at the relief of it all.

But if you ask me, that piece of paper represents the smallest portion of the schooling we received. For us? The sweat we invested in making it happen - that was the real education. The truest and most valuable lessons were gained in the agony of finding a way to survive and reach the finish line.

This is why I don't believe in short-term educational institutions (unless they are attended in addition to a four-year university programme). Just about anybody can hack it for 6 weeks, or 3 months, or even 6 or 9 months. True grit, responsibility, and maturity is built over a few years.

This is also why we don't ever plan to pay for our kids' college. And no, that doesn't mean that we think college is optional. They're going. They just have to find a way to pay for it themselves. If Marius is still a pastor in 18 years, then they'll be getting a nice tuition subsidy from the church, and that'll be our contribution. But we want our kids to learn the values of work, money-management and perseverance.

The struggle IS the education.

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